excessbaggageblog

We have all had a really good Holiday and my parents are now cruise converts! and aim to do another as soon as they can.  We have another one to do in a few weeks only for a couple of days but that will give me my cruise-fix until I book next years,

Mr T completed his challenge and is deciding what next years will be ,I failed on my own personal challenge – trying every cocktail available, but i gave i t a good go, as you can see from the list below,  I could have probably done more if it wasn’t for the fact that some were so nice i had to have seconds and sometime 3rds

• Bahama Mamma
• Ddaiquiri
• Cosmopolitan
• French Martini
• Hurricane
• Kentucky Cooler
• Lemon Tree
• Long Island Iced Tea
• Mai Tai
• Margarita
• Planters Punch
• Raspberry Collins
• Sea Breeze
• Watermelon Cooler
• Wibble

Next year I will just have to try harder.

Now if you remember we order a bottle of champagne on the way out, which they missed off but found us one, well on the way back over comes a member of the cabin crew with a bottle of champagne, I explained that we already had it on the way out, but she insisted we have it anyway, so a rather nice end to our holiday

Today is Ephesus or should I say was meant to be Ephesus. Mr T claims its because I don’t want to be seen in public with a hat on, although there is some truth in that,  I would have worn one and done a Judy Finnegan, if I meant seeing Ephesus,  but truth is,  I have decided against it,  as I’m still not 100% after Athens, and ever though I am desperately disappointed but I know it’s the sensible thing to do.

I have reverted to plan B instead, up early cup,of tea on the deck, whilst the ship wakes up and wait for Mr T to return, it’s his last run today, he is showing signs of improvement on his navigating skills, no wrong turns today, then off for a bit of retail therapy.

I am in heaven, bag heaven, ohh I love bags, shoes are a close second but I love bags. We are docked in Kusadasi,   I don’t like the resort but do like the shops note I say like, I would probably love the shops if I was allowed to browse, not here  though absolutely no chance of that happening.  I have been to Turkey a few times so used to the Turkish sales techniques, which roughly translates as being badgered  to buy and haggle like there’s no tomorrow but this is really quite aggressive, so their loss i head off back to the ship  (with only two bags), before we head back on board we find a really nice little Bar inside the cruise terminal and have a glass of wine, which turned into two or three…………

This is our last night so have our last sail away cocktail and have a thoroughly lovely last night, off to bed at a sensible time as its a long journey tomorrow

Where did you get that hat, where did you get that hat, isn’t it a lovely one…..and bloody expensive at that! Guess what my first purchase of the day was!

Mykonos today, the view of the town from the ship is fantastic, just what you imagine a Greek village to look like, white sugar cube houses, blue domes, and windmills set on the hill, simply stunning.  We were meant to dock today with a shuttle bus running us the short distance to town but some other ship has stolen our berth so it’s a Tender in. Mum is in her element, me not so much so, deep breath eyes closed and I have Baa Baa black sheep on loop in my head.

Before you think that I have finally lost the plot, Baa Baa Black sheep is great way to distract your self from anything you don’t like or to cope with pain.  Through Labour I sang Baa Baa Black sheep, although a few expletive were added at later stages, when I tore open my appendix wound I sang it in the back of the ambulance (note to oneself when told not to ride for 3 months after the operation, obey!) and now Baa Baa is my Tender song.

20 verses later we are in Mykonos and greeted by a very large Pelican, now that’s not something you see everyday! He is fairly tame and poses for a few photos then flies off for a bit of peace.

I now have to find a hat, no mean feat as I just don’t do hats, I look really daft in most styles, in fact the children used to make me try them on just so they could laugh at me come to think of it Woo still does, We’ll be in John Lewis and she will point to a hat and say Mum that will suit you, so I try it on (despite not suiting hats, I still,hold hope that one day I will find one that will) and turn to find her in fits of laughter, I fall for it every time. Anyway I digress, need to find a hat, good job I am we’ll balanced, else I would be in bits in a corner somewhere as I now have Mr T and even my Mum and Dad in fits of laughter with each one I try on, I finally settle on one that just has their lips twitching and you guessed it the most expensive on in the store.

We start to wander around Mykonos, it’s another hot one today, but there is a steady breeze keeping it from being unbearable, but it does mean that I have to walk round with my hands on my head to keep this ruddy stupid hat on!

Our wanderings take us through winding lanes towards little Venice and the Windmills, this is a great place to sit and while an hour or so away with an ice-cold beer and olives, it would have been quite relaxing if I didn’t have to keep running after my hat, that flew off at the slightest breeze, I think it hates being on my head as much as I am coming to hate it.

Mykonos is a place where I would like to spend a few days, it has some lovely bars and restaurants, perfect for lazy evenings people watching, that is the only downside to cruising, sometimes it would be nice to stay longer.

We head back, and this time rather than ‘Baa Baa’  I have ‘where did you get that hat’ on loop in my head for the tender trip, it’s still fairly early so I head up on  deck find a shady corner and finish of the rest of my book. Mr T has head back ashore to do his run, I am starting to have serious doubts about his map reading skills, Istanbul he could not find out how to get on to a bridge, Mykonos he takes a wrong turn and ends up running up the steepest hill possible, before circling back down and yet again adding on more kilometres.  I say I am having doubts I should not really as I know he has no navigational skills, as I found out when we were driving back home once from Portsmouth to Cornwall and ended up on Portland Bill, so he has obviously not improved with age!

Cringe,embarrassment  double cringe, then fits of hysterical laugher, I had a Judy Finnegan moment at Dinner.  It had to happen didn’t it not just in front of my parents but also in front of dinner companions! Yup, walked across to our table lagging behind as I was rummaging in my hand bag for a tissue when I looked up to find Mr T trying to discreetly mime something, I looked round and shrug because I have not got a clue what he is on about, he nods his head downwards, nope still can’t work out what he is on about.  So I mouth ‘what’ to him, he has obviously given up on being discreet and  announces to the table, ‘your dress has dropped down to your waist’. Well if no one hand noticed before,  hard not to now,  I am stood there in a strapless bra (good job I had not gone commando), and with as much dignity as I can muster I calmly grab the top half of my dress tying it tightly and introduce my self to the other dinners on the table, then burst out laughing, lucky so does everyone else.

Given the option I have decided I would sooner do a Judy Finnegan that wear a hat in public.

Me, Miss Super-organised planned in advance, has been caught out! Normally we do all our trips independently and occasionally book a ships trip if required on-line  in advance prior to sailing.  This time I did not, and the trip I wanted to do, which was basically a shuttle in and out of Athens is fully booked, never mind I always have a plan B and sometimes even a C and D but I make sure that I book my trip to Ephesus straight away, I still have a slight bad taste left in my mouth after the incident in Istanbul so not taking a risk on another Turkish Taxi driver.

The parents have decided to take a break today and enjoy a day relaxing on board. So me and Mr T head off (using plan b) and  grab a Taxi to the foot of the Acropolis. Taxi found fare negotiated and we are off, compared to Istanbul’s white-knuckle ride, this is could be described as almost sedate.

The walk up to the Acropolis isn’t too bad, you do need to wear sensible footwear ladies which I did and if walking during the midday sun wear a hat which I did not.  I liked the Acropolis,I regret not having a guide as I had loads of question to ask that my guide books did not answer.  I also like it because it’s up high and you have fantastic views over Athens and it’s surrounds, stick me on any mountain or hill or come to think of it high building and I am happy.  It’s such a shame that certain items of adornment have been removed, they would look so much better back where they belong, not in some foreign museum (Take note British Museum)

I could have spent hours up there but it was hot, too hot and I hate to say it but I felt ill, the heat had got to me.  I blame Mr T if I had not spent all that time justifying every item of clothing I would not have forgotten my hat, and then I would not of felt ill and then we could have stayed up longer, instead we head down to find some shade and to rehydrate.

Plaka, more or less at the foot of the Acropolis is where we head, passing the New Museum that has been built on the way.   I understand that they have got an empty display there waiting in hope for the return of the Elgin Marbles.  Politics, History and disputed ownership aside as I don’t really care about the ins and outs, but from a touristic and cultural point of view I do think that the best place for display of them  is where they originated, it certainly adds more ‘life’ to them.

Plaka, is ‘old town’ Athens all narrow lanes, Cafe’s,  Restaurants, shops  with the occasional ancient ruin thrown in for good measure, I wish that I had not felt so ill to enjoy it better. I hoped that perhaps food and a drink would perk me up, but sadly not, my head was getting worse and I felt very sick.  I had no choice but to get back onboard, I hate giving in, but it would have been foolish to carry on. So head back we did, missing out on the changing of the guard which I really wanted to see, oh well if I ever need an excuse to go back now I have one.

I really do crash and burn when we get back all I remember is lying down and next thing I know it is four hours later, I do feel better but still have a thumping head.  Mr T had made himself scarce by going for today’s run, after the traffic chaos of Istanbul he is running in the gym with fewer obstacles to avoid and air conditioning it seemed the sensible choice.  the parents have baked themselves by the pool all afternoon and had a nice relaxing day.

Tonight we have booked into one of the ships ‘a la carte’ restaurant, we had a very very nice meal.  The food throughout the week has been good and I can safely say I enjoyed every meal as no doubt my ‘new’ waistline (or lack of)  will testify.

Tonight was also a first, yes the first time I have every voluntary gone to bed early still not feeling my normal self so I think a good nights sleep will put me

I’ll quote those famous words, Tonight Matthew, I am going to be……..well more of that later.

Today is Lesvos, we have had a bit of a lie in today as  Mr T will be doing his run this afternoon in the Gym, we have a late breakfast and then we all head ashore.   We are tendering in to Mytilene, (screams quietly to oneself) and as I don’t really want to spend a day on board I have no other choice but to take the tender, I summon up all my courage step on board and behind my sunglasses my eyes are firmly shut. My mother however loves it and happily informs us that she would be content to sit on the tender all day and ride back and forth.

Mytilene is a very small town, with a  harbour and ferry port, well with a harbour wall that doubles as the ferry port, and apart from the obligatory church, a few shops and tavernas not a lot else, but to be honest after yesterday’s full on day in Istanbul, it is the perfect contrast.  We wander around for a while and find a harbour side cafe, and sit and watch the world go by, this is the life I could easily get used to this. After a while we head back on board, I secure a lounger and read my book whilst Mr T goes for his run.

Obligatory Cocktail on sail-away and off to get suited and booted for the Captains Cocktail Party. We had a minor ‘domestic’ earlier when Mom asked Dad where his bow-tie was, he said ‘you packed it’, Dad was given one task only for packing and that was his dinner suit and all the accoutrements that go with it, so after 10 minutes of ‘you were meant to have  packed it’  Ping-Pong, Mum stomped off to the cabin and found the errant bow tie in the pocket of his suit. Disaster averted.

Photos, taken lovely dinner consumed, wine glass as usual magically never ran dry, so nature called and I needed to powder my nose before coffee.  Off I toddle to the ladies, and I am just touching up my make-up when an elderly lady taps me on the shoulder and apologises for staring at me all night, to be honest I never noticed, and then looks at me intensely and says ‘But it is Colleen Nolan, isn’t it?’ I smile and inform her no it’s not, she gives me another long stare and leaves, another lady (lady No 2) who witnessed this smiled  nodded her head and squeezed my arm, and said ‘Bye Colleen’ as I left.  I came back to the dinner table in fits of laughter, and found the entire incident hilarious.

Later we when we were having a drink I bumped into lady No 2 who again squeezed my arm, winked and said ‘Good Night, Colleen’ Mr T nearly choked on his G & T I’m still not sure if she was being ironic or whether she thought I really was Colleen Nolan, as we bumped into her a few times over the course of the week and I was always greeted with an arm squeeze, and either a Hello or a Goodnight Colleen.

So Tonight Matthew, I will be Colleen Nolan……….

Remember that rhyme from childhood, I do, well I am here, Constantinople, Istanbul, the meeting point of Europe and Asia this is the highlight of my cruise, so so much I want to see and only a day to do it in, so have cherry-picked the sites to visit, as I know it won’t take much to convince Mr T that we really must do a weekend break here so I can fit in the remainder. For a while we were concerned that this port of call would be dropped as there was some political unrest and demonstrations affecting Istanbul and other large cities in Turkey, but luckily things had calmed down before hand, and the areas where the demonstrations were taking part were not near the old town, where we were headed.

Up early again, Mr T’s first run ashore today.  He has plotted his route already,  a nice loop that should take him past Topkapi Palace, Hagia Sofia and the blue Mosque,  over Ataturk Bridge and then back to the ship .  Off he heads, whilst I have my morning tea and admire the early morning view, and what a view it is.  To my left I can see the Bosphorus Bridge and to my right Istanbul’s signature view, Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque.   After a while I am getting a little concerned, where is Mr T, he should have been back in  just under an hour, but no sign of him, about an hour and half later I am just about to send him a ‘where are you’ text, when he appears on the prom deck.  His 10k run was more of a 15k run, as what the maps failed to show was how to join the road crossing  over  Ataturk Bridge, so a rather puzzled Mr T was running up and down side streets trying to find access points, he gave up and had an interesting run across Galata Bridge, dodging the fisherman casting into the river. His run through Istanbul was challenging to say the least, not from heat, an early morning run solved that problem, but traffic, in all its forms, cars, Taxis, trams, bikes, mopeds and pedestrians, no rules of the road exists,…never again I heard him mutter.

At last we were off to see the sights, my cherry picked list, Blue Mosque, Hagia Sophia, Cisterns and then the Spice Bazaar with a walk across Galata Bridge to conclude the day. We had the parents in tow, and as my Mum has a few mobility issues (knee replacement that has gone badly wrong) rather than walk or face public transport we take a Taxi, no, let’s rephrase that, we take a white knuckled ride! We have a mini Mexican stand-off with a Coach on a narrow lane, which due to size, Coach v Car we lost, high-speed reversing hand brake turn then off up another narrow lane, mounting the pavement and scattering pedestrians, all the while the driver is looking everywhere but the road and  with much fist shaking and shouting in Turkish, before we finally draw to a halt outside the Blue Mosque, the driver then enquiries if we would like him to wait as he can then take us on a guided tour, we politely decline.

The Blue Mosque is stunning, both externally as a fantastic piece of Architecture and internally, intricately decorated, painted and tiled, and as the name suggests full of beautiful blue tiles. As entry queues go this one was rather short, less than 5 mins and we were in. As we were doing this tour independently we did not have the benefit of tour guide, but luckily once in, there are guides inside who for 10 Euro would provide their services.  We had a lovely gentleman show us round and bring the building to life, not only giving us the history of the mosque but an understanding of the differences between Muslim and Christian houses of worship. Tour guides do add something extra, they bring the pages of travel and city guides to life, so 10 euros well spent.

We then decided to walk across to Hagia Sophia, a short stroll as the two almost face each other. Disappointed, the queue is huge, there is the first queue, for the ticket then the queue to actually enter the building, I did know that there would be queues but this was something to be seen, it would have probably taken the best part of an hour queuing, so we gave it a miss particularly as I could see my Mum was starting to struggle at this point. Instead we found a lovely little cafe and had a nice cool beer, Efes of course, must do local, and took the weight off our feet for an hour in the lovely cool shaded garden.

By now my Mum was struggling, we flagged a taxi down and sent them back to the ship, whilst we carried on with our site seeing.  Next on the Agenda was the Cisterns, we were once again lucky as there was no queue. The Cisterns are amazing, they are an underground water storage facility, very tranquil and cool after the heat of the city above.  If you have read Dan Brown’s latest Book, Inferno, this is where part of the story is set.

We then wandered down to the Spice Bazaar, what a great place. Istanbul is in many ways a ‘European’ city, but once you enter the Bazaar you are in no doubt that you are in Asia (if you are being specific, not quite as we are the wrong side of the Bosphorus, but allow me poetic license) it is exotic, spices galore, along with Turkish Delight and other sweet treats, and it smells divine, I could have spent ages in there, but time is moving on a we need to get back, although I could easily spend a few more hours here, I would rather the ship did not sail without us. The last part of our route takes us over Galata Bridge, there are fish restaurants underneath, and rows of fishermen fishing from above, if you are that way inclined you can hire a rod and have a go. But as I have a fish phobia, I avert my eyes and march across.

Back on board, we find the parents, order a refreshing Cocktail and enjoy the sail out.

Now we come to the only low point of our holiday,  as the parents had decided to head back to the ship, when we flagged them down the taxi, we confirmed the price back to where we had been originally picked up,  38 Turkish Lira to the Port Terminal Building.  This seemed about right as we paid 15 Euro to get up to the Blue Mosque,  we again confirmed 38 lira, not Euro, ‘Yes sir, the driver confirmed 38 Lira, Port Terminal  we made sure Dad knew the cost and sent them on their way.  This is what actually happened, the driver carried on past the Terminal, my dad told him to stop, which he did, but not until it was quite a walk back, he then asked for 38 Euro, my dad gave him 38 Lira, and he kept asking for 38 Euro and would not turn round and take them back. So although my Dad is Deaf he is not Daft, he got out of the car, helped my mum out, gave him 38 lira and they both walked quite a considerable way back to the Terminal Building. He picked on the wrong Pensioners!

By now we have got our evening routine sorted, sail-away cocktails, change for dinner, quick pre-dinner G & T.  We have managed to stay with the same waiter this week, a really lovely young man called Francis, who brings new meaning to the words ‘service with a smile’ he and Ben the sommelier looked after us fantastically. Then afterwards drinks in one of the bars.  the parents retire earlier than us, taking a night-cap with them.  They are feeling very proud that they can now find their way back to the Cabin, Mum is very pleased that we are on ‘Port’ side as this is one of her favourite drinks so she remembers what side she is on.

We have a couple more drinks, and head off to bed, tomorrow is Myteliine in Levos and also the Captains cocktail party.

Today is sea day, this is the day of the nice lie in, late breakfast come brunch, reading your book in between snoozes on a sun lounger, whilst sleeping off last night’s overindulgence at the sail-away party, and then vowing to never drink again.  Well not for us this year, I have set my alarm for an early hour, what in my little world it is the middle of the night, but at 6.15am we are up.

Why! Why indeed, roll back a month or so and that is where this all started, sitting in the garden one evening enjoying a glass of wine, Mr T asks if I am taking my gym gear with me, I hmpff into my wine,  and respond with a very definite. ‘NO’ every year we take our gym gear, we do one session and no more so I am not wasting luggage weight on trainers (I have my 63 dresses to pack).  Oh dear red rag to a bull, ‘Well I am going to run every day’ he replies quite piously, another hmpff from me.  And so it starts, what was going to be a small run each afternoon evolves into the mother of all runs, 10k for 6 consecutive days throughout the holiday, preferably on land if possible.  He further adds to it so that there is no way he will back out by using this run to raise funds for Charity! Next time remind me not to hmpff into my wine, but to nod my head and respond with a ‘Yes Dear’.

6.30am on deck. I am here not only to photograph proof of Mr T running but also because a couple of my cruise buddies have persuaded me that it is worth getting up early, to see the ship at its most peaceful. They were right, it’s very calm and relaxing, so I get myself a cup of tea and settle down to take a few photos read my book whilst Mr T does his 32 laps of the promenade deck.

The cruise line we are sailing with is British, passengers are all British, but I think a few Germans may have stowed away, the evidence I have is towels on sun-loungers, yes towels out at 6.30am and only Mr T and me in sight, it has to be the Germans, us British never do anything like that,  I will keep my eye out for them, as i can then parle in German with them later, although the conversation may be a bit limiting as my German comprises of; have you a bed for the night, and, a kilo of potatoes please (if I am stranded in Germany at least I can sleep well and eat).

7.30am two cups of tea, a few chapters of my book and some lovely photos taken by me and Mr T has finished his first run, he heads back down for a shower, and will check on the parents on his way back up.  Another cup of tea for me whilst repeating over and over to get it perfect ‘haben sie ein Zimmer fur die Nacht’ and ‘ein Kilo Kartoffeln bitte’. In anticipation of meeting our German friends, although on second thoughts, asking them for a room for the night might give them the wrong idea, and I am not that sort of girl!

Company at last, Mr T has returned, we stretch out on our loungers and just watch the world go by, the parents are getting ready, they are going to have some breakfast and join us later, and simple instructions of where to find the dining room and then us have been given.   Two hours later, the parents have not arrived, neither have the Germans, we look at each other and off I go to find them, the parent that is not the Germans. They are not in their cabin, dining room, reception or shops so I head up in deck just in case they have made it.  They did but now they have gone for a coffee, Mr T pointed where to go, and you guessed it they wandered off in the wrong direction,  The couple on the loungers next to us were crying with laughter at witnessing the scene, as Mr T had explained twice, once to Dad, who obviously could not hear, and then again to Mum, who does not know, left from right or front from back, where to go…it was literally walk a few meters , then a set of stairs, on your right, pointed to By Mr T and acknowledged by both of the parents, just go down and you can get a coffee there!  Off they go heading straight past the stairs and head off around the prom deck, Mr T Shouts, but that is pointless so hurdles over the Germans sun beds, ( where are they I am dying to meet them) turns them round and steers them in the right direction

The deck is getting busier now, most people have breakfasted and set themselves up for a day of relaxing, we decide to go for a leg stretch around the deck and a bit off a cool down as it is very hot today, the route we are taking up to Istanbul, will take us through the Dardanelles, into the sea of Mamara  before hitting our destination early tomorrow, but before we arrive the passage we are taking passes lots of islands, some small and uninhabited and others larger and you can see small villages on the shore line. I wish we had brought a map so we could work out what route we are taking. I know I could use my phone but roaming data charges are eye-watering.

We head back to our loungers, and I am happy to note the Germans have arrived, but I don’t know what sort of German they are speaking, but it sounds very similar to a Northern English accent, and they don’t look like they would want to speak about potatoes, so I mutter ‘Guten tag’ as I pass and am met by blank stares, my German pronunciation must be rubbish.

Early evening we are due to sail through the Dardanelles, and I want to be on deck when we pass both Canakkale, the purported location of Troy, (having just read Homers Iliad, my interest is piqued) and Gallipoli, site of a disastrous World War 1 campaign, with over an estimated 500,000 casualties and loss of life on both sides.   The sail through was very moving a commentary was given by the ship on the  Gallipoli campaign as we passed the relevant battle sites, followed by a minutes silence, extremely moving and I admit to shedding a tear.

Composure regained, headed off for dinner, then drinks, now this is when my challenge starts, I am aiming to try all cocktails off the bar menu over the course of the week, with the exception of those containing, whiskey or bananas and of course I will not touch a ‘Singapore Sling’ I’m saving that for when Mr T finally gets round to taking me to Singapore and I will have one at Raffles. It’s been a really good day today I am feeling thoroughly relaxed, and mellow, although the Mai-tai’s and the never ending wine glass at dinner may have something to do with that. Istanbul tomorrow, can’t wait.

I’ll leave you with a few words, from Mustafa Kemel Ataturk, regarding the heroics of the ANZACS, I’ll let him have the last word.

‘Heroes who shed their blood and lost their lives. You are now lying in the soil of a friendly country.  Therefore rest in peace. There is no difference between the Johnnies and the Mehmets to us where we lie side by side, here in this country of ours. You, the mothers who sent their sons from far away countries wipe away your tears; your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in peace. And after having lost their lives on this land they have  become our sons as well’.

We are here at last, unpacked on deck and a cocktail in hand, admiring the view of Marmaris bay, which is indeed very beautiful, can’t say the same for some parts of the town, it’s party central, bars, clubs generic holiday resort, you could be anywhere, but the Marina area and the bay are stunning.

A fairly uneventful lifeboat drill completed, Mums attempt at tying up was a bit like cats cradle, it took us ages to sort it out for her, that was after we took her head out of the arm slit, finally all checked off and completed, so off to dinner we go. I need a Shepherds crook, as they toddle off in the wrong direction!

It’s one of my favourites tonight the Sail-away party, on deck at around 10pm, yes dancing to those Euro-pop and Wedding favourites love it, I even get my Dad Dancing, hilarious because he does his Dad Dance, you know that shuffly bouncy type dance, actually there is a fair bit of Dad dancing going on and not just by Dad’s, Cheesy it may be but it’s such a great atmosphere and there is a smile on everyone’s face.

Time for a night cap and as my parents are a little tired, they retire with a Brandy back to their Cabin, Dad is insistent he knows where he is going, but I decide to accompany them anyway, good job I do else I would probably still be looking for them now (Shepherds crook definitely required).  Back up to Horizons Bar for ONE last cocktail, I am determined not to repeat last year’s first night and the subsequent suffering the next morning.  Two cocktails later we make it to bed.

YES! At last, H Day, cars packed, dog-boys are with the Doggy minder, Mom and Dad, secured in the back of the car, we have just passed the Camel on the M5 so its official, Holibobs.

This year we are taking my parents with us, it will be their first cruise, they are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and wanted to do, something special, so a cruise seemed the perfect option.  Now my Mum,  AKA, Dame Judy, is rather accident prone, has no sense of direction and is rather gullible, my Dad also has no sense of direction and is deaf as a post, luckily he has hearing aids, so between them an  interesting combination.   I am going to have to be a Shepherd this week as they will get lost and clear any obstacles and breakable items out of the way or they will be tripped over or knocked over, but never mind they are good company, have great sense of humour and inadvertently very entertaining.

We have just passed the camel on the M5 when I notice that they are very quiet in the back, ‘everything all right’ I question.  From the look on Mum’s face I know something is amiss, Dad has forgotten both his hearing aids and she is convinced he has done it on purpose. This is going to be an interesting week, not only will Dad wonder off in the wrong direction, he won’t be able to hear me shout to put him right.

Early flight in the morning, rather than not sleep at all, we have booked overnight accommodation near to the airport, so we can get at least a few hours’ sleep before the three O’clock alarm call, if you have read my earlier blogs you know the routine I go through, so no sleep for me as I will be too busy continually checking the alarm to make sure we don’t oversleep.

We arrive incident free at the Airport, slight delay on the flight but nothing to stress about, boarded safely and smooth take off, pity it’s cloudy as it is as Exeter and surrounds is a beautiful part of the country to view from on high, settle back to read (and snooze if possible, Mr T has the ability to fall asleep on a clothes line and has drifted off before take-off).   I have pre-booked a bottle of champagne as a surprise for us all. So I nip to the ‘loo’ to speak to the cabin crew to ask for 4 glasses when it’s delivered……..they have not received any booking, luckily I have my receipt, so they rustle up a bottle, and throw in a box of chocolates as an apology.   The cabin crew made a congratulations announcement to my parents and gave them each a flower garland to wear. Champagne delivered, drank and chocolates consumed, book read, quick cat-nap and time for a freshen up as we have landed. I am happily touching up my make-up when I am hit on the side of the face by a huge thick wet sticky blob, I have a rabbit in the headlights look on my face, what on earth was that, my Mum is in fits of hysterical laughter, she was trying to get her antiseptic hand cleaning gel out of the bottle, she squeezed too hard and it shot all over me. Did I mention that my Mum is clumsy as well?

We get through immigration control quickly and head off to the baggage carousel, Dad wanders off in the opposite direction, we call, but you guessed he can’t hear us, so I go off to round him up Mr T takes Mom off and we all lose each other, for a while but after a couple of circles round the baggage carousel I spot them.

Now a top tip for you travellers out there, who have all brought the IT lightweight luggage, personalise it! I am so glad we did, as there were 1001 identical cases all going round and round and a lot of panicked faces and head scratching going on!

May, the month both the babies are due, as always, Woo is super organised, nursery all set up and ready, bags packed, detailed spread sheet prepared of Monkey Boys daily routine (for Grandma to follow whilst she is in Hospital – like that is going to happen). The baby is due on 4th May so I have been instructed to make sure that I am free to come down on the 3rd and look after the Monkey Boy, I gently remind her that babies tend to come when they want, after all Monkey Boy was 11 days late, I get ‘that’ look and affirmation from her in no uncertain terms that she will be having the baby on the 4th after all it’s in her diary!  There’s no arguing with a hormonal pregnant Woo, so I just nod my head in agreement!

No 1 Son and they lovely girlfriend, well what can I say, when one of there must haves for the baby is a Shetland Pony, it’s on their list!  They too are organised, or at least their version of organised. The baby is due on the 13th.

The 4th of May comes and goes, I am dying to say told you so, to Woo but I am not that brave, a hormonal pregnant (and proved wrong) Woo is not to be messed with, The 13th comes and goes no babies. Woo has been given a date to go in to Hospital the 16th, so off I go the night before (good job I kept all of May free) to look after Monkey Boy.  Me and Monkey Boy have a great day whilst Woo is in Hospital, I introduce him to babycino’s with a marshmallow chaser, whilst I have my skinny cappuccino with a fresh air chaser (holiday diet has kicked in), we had a lovely walk along the beach in the afternoon, and whist driving back home my phone goes……I think it’s the news that Monkey Boy is going to be a big brother, I pull over and see I have a picture text message, not from Woo, It’s from No 1 Son, he’s a Daddy, Grandmas little grub  (he wriggled a lot) has arrived. I am now proud Grandma to Monkey Boy and Little Grubbling, the phone goes its No 3 Obi-wan has arrived (obi-wan as he was due on May the fourth, Star Wars day, May the (fourth)force be with you, get it?

It had been a standing joke all the way through the girl’s pregnancies that the babies would arrive on the same day, and I would end up scooting from one side of the country to the other, but we did not really think it would happen, and with only 20 minutes between the two boys. I suppose I should have put a bet on it, I wonder what the odds would have been.